That's just a beginning, but the beginning can be the most important part of this whole thing...
trying is essential... the hope that you still have inside
you... causing you to continue searching for answers... needs to call you up & ask you to one more time...
this time at the emotional
feelings network of sites!
all the basic information that you would need to start your personal growth - recovery journey
is within the 28+ sites within the network!
it's possible to feel good about yourself....
i can lead you to the important parts of recovery....
but you have to do the work....
& it's not always easy....
“Until we can forgive ourselves and Love ourselves we cannot Truly Love and forgive
any other human beings - including our parents who were only doing the best they knew how. They, too, were powerless
to do anything any different - they were just reacting to their wounds.
It is necessary to own and honor the child who we were in order to Love the person we
are. And the only way to do that is to own that child's experiences, honor that child's feelings, and release the emotional
grief energy that we are still carrying around.”
Health Starts In The Mind
By Kathy Andrews
Retrain Your Brain to be Healthy for Life
Here’s the real truth -
the fact is that you must first "clean up your mental house" before you start ANY weight loss program.
Health starts in the mind. So that’s where you need to start. It is not just about what you eat, or how much you eat, or what type of exercises you do – or don’t do.
Health is about other areas in your life as well,
such as your mental state, your stress levels, your outlook on life, your lifestyle, your personal safety. Be healthy in mind and body!
Let’s take a closer look.
by asking yourself “do I have a healthy mind, or do I have a mind that distorts my efforts?”
Start by creating some new habits.
Here are 7 strategies that will give you the right mental attitude to start improving your life today and help you with ANY weight loss program:
Have a Crystal Clear Vision of What You Want to Achieve Envision what you want to achieve.
Create an “after” image of what you’ll look like. See the new you and imagine what it would feel like to
be that new you.
Picture yourself with limitless energy, being able to handle your daily tasks, your job, and still having enough steam left over for your children and your personal life. How
will it feel to put on a swimsuit and feel great about what you see in the mirror?
You will start to relish the after burn of your morning workouts. You
have to know and understand what you are moving towards.
Then say goodbye to what you are moving away from.
out Your Mental House
Stop putting yourself down! That unfriendly little voice inside your head needs to be silenced now and forever. That super critical, opinionated, alter ego of yours needs to know who the boss is.
You are! So what if you gained 5 pounds over the holidays. That doesn’t
make you a "fat pig". Rather than beating yourself up by complaining, instead, compliment yourself by saying something like
"Yeah, I did have that chocolate chip cookie for desert. But I didn't have 3 of them like I would have done before." Stop
whining and take more control over your actions and your life.
3. Treat yourself with
Think about it this way - your mind and body are temples and you need to treat them as such. So start respecting yourself and treating yourself right. You deserve better than processed fast food
with little or no healthy nutrient content. You deserve better than beating yourself up because you “slipped” again.
Instead, exercise. Take your mind off of the negative. Any physical activity will improve your mind and body health. Even if you just take a walk. Or spend 30 minutes every other
day with a weight training or cardio session. Remember, you are the most important person in your life. It all begins with you!
4. Be creative
it out loud: “fitness and health are going to be my new lifestyle”. If that’s the case, you need to make it fun.
Ask yourself "what are my favorite foods? If you answered Italian food,
then go out and buy a low-fat, low-carb Italian cookbook and learn how to remake your old favorites! If you love nachos, be
creative and re-invent the recipe using low fat ingredients rather than the real stuff.
What physical activity did you enjoy when you were growing up? If you
answered ping pong, go out and get a table. Start a family competition. Just open your mind to new and different tools and use them as a bag of tricks that will help you fight the war on fat.
5. Make fitness a top priority
course, we all will have bad days and fall off our diet. It’s OK. Refocus yourself and get back on track. Be prepared
to be tempted.
You know that you have to attend your family's barbeque dinner with
non-stop servings of hot dogs, potato salad, and sugary deserts. So be smart and execute your fitness plan. Munch on a crispy
apple before the bbq. This will fill you up and cut the edge off of any uncontrollable hunger pains you might have when you
start smelling everything.
Then opt for the grilled chicken breast with no bun, a side salad,
and an ear of corn with no butter. You put fitness first and you are still able to enjoy your family's social activities without ending your fitness goals.
6. Set yourself up for success
health on the shelf and the gym bag in the car!
Stock your fridge & pantry with the latest guilt free snacks and
treats. Low-carb and low-fat foods are tasting better and better.
Try something new today. Have your gym bag ready to go in the car for
a pre or post work-day workout. Throw in a towel and a change of clothes and you will not have an excuse to skip the gym.
Or, have your running shoes right there by the bed so all you have
to do is roll out of bed right into your morning run. Everywhere you go and no matter what you do, your healthy habits should follow you.
7. Feel the pain
pain CAN be your friend! Use it to your advantage as a tool to get you motivated to make a positive change in your life.
First, it is absolutely necessary for you to take a "before" picture
Secondly, put this "before" picture somewhere where you can occasionally
see it when you need to feel the "pain" and that frustration associated with that picture. When you feel your motivation and desire weakening, glance at the picture and remind yourself of the despair that you felt when you were at your unhealthiest. Pain will be your friend because you will learn how to manipulate it and use it towards your advantage.
Bottom Line: Healthy Living Extends Beyond the Kitchen
It’s not just about counting calories
or skipping deserts. You’re smart enough to know, it’s about your lifestyle.
does play an important role in your health, however, health is about other areas in your life as well, such as your mental state, your stress levels, your outlook on life, your personal safety. So what’s the answer? Be healthy in mind and body!
International author Kathy Andrews has
been writing about personal and professional development for over 20 years. Visit her fun site about “Shortcuts to Creating
Miracles and Money in your Life” at www.miraclemarvels.com.
You can also join her membership club at www.zoneofsuccessclub.com.
It is a mini FREE library of books, ecourses, self help checklists, articles on personal and professional development.
source: click here to go to selfgrowth.com
I know what I must do to
feel totally well. I have never been on my own, to take care of myself by myself - support myself financially, for instance.
I must do what it takes to earn enough money - and earn that money doing what I know I am capable of doing.
It's a tough step. My parents raised me without
giving me any life skills. Maybe you had the same thing happen to you. I was taught how to take care of children, clean the
house and cook. I wanted to be a history teacher. I always loved learning about history and talking about it. My poor kids
- all five of them and my step daughters - they all have had to listen to me tell stories of my life and my parents' lives
and their parents' lives!
Not having the proper life skills caused me to
live in violent relationships instead of relying upon myself. It took away any sense of self respect and self esteem
I had an eating disorder. I gained weight and
then after I finally got control of the eating disorder, I got injured. I had to be in a wheel chair for two years. I
had to sit with my leg up for two years. I gained more weight.
I am beginning to control my eating habits and
am just about to begin controlling an exercise regime; which is difficult to me because my leg never healed correctly and
I have trouble being on my feet. I am starting to swim every morning after I begin exercising at home first. I need to make
sure that I'm in shape for myself first - but look below here!
This is my grand daughter who will be two years
old on Sunday, March 2nd. My daughter is expecting her second child in August. My husband and I take care of the baby on the
weekends when my daughter and her husband work at the hospital - 3 twelve hour shifts. I want to be in much better shape by
August to take care of that newborn and a toddler!
My youngest daughter is thirteen years old. She
and I have been learning to eat healthy foods instead of unhealthy foods. We've been changing our diet for about three weeks
now and I feel so much better!
You must take the time to think about all of this. Can you make an honest commitment
to yourself that once you start your journey - you will continue - no matter how long it takes?
I'm so happy in my journey and I'm at the hardest part of it. It's do or die
when you get to the - "take action for change" part of the journey! I'm loving it and challenging myself daily - sometimes
hourly - but I'm always positive about it.
Recovery From Addictions: Part 1
Margaret Paul, Ph.D
Just about everyone in our society is addicted to
something. Addictions can take many forms:
SUBSTANCE ADDICTIONS: addiction to alcohol, recreational drugs, prescription meds, caffeine, nicotine, food,
PROCESS ADDICTIONS: addiction to love, connection, caretaking, anger, resistance, withdrawal, and to activities
• Making money
• Spending money
• Sex, masturbation, pornography
• Accumulating things
• Obsessive thinking (ruminating)
• Talking a lot
on the telephone a lot
• Gathering information (if only I know enough I will feel safe)
• Cutting themselves
• Glamour, beautifying
We can use anything as a way of
avoiding feelings and avoiding taking responsibility for our painful feelings. Whenever we engage in an activity with the
intention of avoiding our feelings, we are using that activity as an addiction.
We can watch TV to relax and enjoy our favorite programs, or we can watch
TV to avoid our feelings. We can meditate to connect with Spirit and center ourselves, or we can meditate to bliss out and
avoid responsibility for our feelings. We can read to enjoy and learn, or read to escape. Anything can be an addiction, depending
upon our intention.
For example, when your intention is to take loving
care of yourself and your work is something you really enjoy, then working is not being used as an addiction. But when the
intent is to get approval or avoid painful feelings, then work is being used as an addiction. The same is true for most of
the above behaviors – they can be addictions or not, depending upon your intent.
All of us have a wounded part of us – our wounded self or ego self – that has been programmed
with many false beliefs through our growing-up years. There are four common false beliefs that underlie most addictions:
1. I can’t handle my pain.
2. I am unworthy and unlovable.
3. Others are my source of love.
I can have control over how others feel about me and treat me.
CAN’T HANDLE MY PAIN
While this was true when we were small, it is not true as adults, yet many people operate
as if it is true. When you believe that you are incapable of handling pain – especially the deep pain of loneliness and helplessness – then you will find many addictive ways to avoid feeling your pain. All of us are capable of learning how to manage painful feelings
in ways that support our highest good, rather behaving in addictive ways that hurt us.
Anything you do to avoid taking responsibility for managing your pain is self-abandonment, which creates even
more pain - the deep pain of aloneness. Whether you abandon yourself to substances, processes or people, your inner child
– which is your feeling self - will feel abandoned by your choice to avoid responsibility for your feelings.
If you had an actual child who was in pain, and you got drunk instead
of being there for that child, he or she would be in even more pain from the abandonment. It is exactly the same on the inner
level. Addictive behavior is an abandonment of self and causes the very pain you are trying to avoid.
I AM UNWORTHY AND UNLOVABLE
When you did not receive the love you needed as a small child, you might have concluded that the reason you were
not loved was because you were bad, flawed, defective, unworthy, unlovable, or unimportant. This is core shame – the
false belief that there is essentially something wrong with you. When you adopt this belief, you become cut off from your Source, believing that you are unworthy of being loved by a Higher Power.
OTHERS ARE MY
SOURCE OF LOVE
You will become addicted to attention, approval, love, sex, or connection when you believe that another person needs to be your dependable source of love. In this case, you will be abandoning
your inner child to another person, which causes as much pain as abandoning yourself to a substance. Until you learn to tap
into a Higher Power as your source of love, you will continue to be addicted to people as your source of love.
I CAN HAVE control OVER HOW OTHERS FEEL ABOUT ME AND TREAT ME
If you believe you can control others’ feelings and behavior, you will become addicted to various ways of trying to control, such as anger, judgment, blame, or people-pleasing. When you believe you can’t handle your pain and that others are your source of love, then you want control over getting that love. This is the cause of the codependency that underlies most relationship problems.
There is a way to heal from addictions. The rest of the articles in this series will address the process of recovery from addictions.
I'm right here with you...
a helping hand to get you on the right track...
but the true hero this time is you! you are your own - very important - hero!
read about others who have become their very own hero! click here!
(just in case you thought this whole thing was a big piece of crap!)
this site is all about me sharing with you....
what i have learned over the past 5+ years of recovery.
As you can see, if you read
the article in the left hand column, Kathy is very excited about describing the changes you would be able to make - especially if you follow the formula above that I already outlined for you!
The difference in working this plan is...
You're not jumping into an instant
change. You're simply beginning to read articles & learn more about what you will need to know to stay strong.
With every article you read, you are - in a sense - gaining
control and power that you somehow lost in the past.
With every underlined link you click on you can double that newly found control and power because you are reinforcing what you are learning by learning the topic to the, "fullest understanding possible!"
The more understanding you acquire - the easier it
is to take action to change.
As you learn, you will become more secure within your self. You will begin to take steps to deal with your mental health issues. You will understand why
you need to make those changes. You will also learn how it's all connected!
Check out the new site
- physical you 101 - not yet completed but open so you can access the info that IS available - and see the direct correlation between emotions
- feelings - and your mental health to your physical health.
Conceive, Believe & Achieve - Mind over Body, or Body over Mind?
By Kurt Lee Hurley
"Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that."
As a fitness professional, I am always amazed at how little understanding
exists regarding the ‘getting what you give’ concept.
Very few people actually believe that there are actually consequences for their ill or negative actions and this includes what they think, as well as what they do.
Many folks exercise, quite a few eat right, but very few exercise and eat right. Doing one without
doing the other is like thinking the body and the mind are separate and distinct, divided and not unified. Division is only the effect; the cause is in the
thought (the concept).
“Reaping what you sow”,
is merely cause and effect at work and expecting any more than that is truly absurd. And realistically any ‘thing’ that we want to manifest is accomplished through something referred to as synergy.
Synergy is defined as effectively combined components working congruently and simultaneously to
achieve something positive in a more efficient, effectual and expedient manner. And when it comes to your mind/body connection this law is undeviating.
What your body can achieve depends on what your mind can conceive. This principle is likened to
a camera. Whatever the lens captures, the film produces. You wouldn’t expect a photo of something that was not captured
by the lens…now would you?
The body can only conjure up (achieve) a potential that the mind can imagine (conceive).
The mind is designed to perform as a command center and the body serves as the production department. When the mind is strong
and integral, the body will obey. When the mind is creative, the body will create accordingly.
If the reverse is indoctrinated, inability sets in. When the mind is weak and overwhelmed, the body takes over and commands the mind. Consequently, at the slightest hint of difficulty and pain, the body wants to
give up and so it communicates to the mind that it can do no more and subsequently it does indeed give up.
In such cases the mind can do nothing except agree with the fussy, finicky body and quit. When the body doesn’t
feel like doing anything - like, when you feel lazy and any excuse will do to not get out of bed and function - and the mind
is too weak to oppose that, you have a case of body over mind.
And from that abnormal scenario will flow an equally abnormal life. All elements and issues in
life will grow and evolve from that, and you will inevitably emerge a total wreck. Dysfunctional!
The head (or mind) must to be always on top and act as the
captain of the body, and this means the body must obey the mind always. This should at all times be unwavering, but for most
people the opposite is true.
So many people ask, “What if the mind is also a wreck and commands the body to remain dormant?”
This scenario is often mistaken as a lazy mind commanding the body into idleness. Many experts say a healthy mind actually
always chooses a positive course of action, never inaction.
When the mind seems to work otherwise, it is proof of a subverted mind controlled by a cosseted, indulged body. It thinks (conceives) negatively and unproductively precisely because the body has taught and controlled it to do so accordingly.
Undoubtedly, the mind can be strengthened by training it
to make decisions the body will obey. If you adopt a life principle, make sure everything you do is based on it. The mind
decides what is right and the body is given practical things to do in relation to it. It is truly that simple!
Once the mind decides something the body is unwilling to do, a tug-of-war starts. It is in such
conflict that the body must be disciplined to succumb to the mind. If this is accomplished, the mind is strengthened and given authority over the body, which is trained to respond positively to such authority.
The person becomes “highly principled.” As this goes on, the mind is promoted to heights
never before imagined, and dares (and is encouraged) to go beyond its limits, tugging the body along the way. The body does what it is told to do. So the body begins to outdo itself as the mind imagines
it to be doing so.
When the head (the mind)
is put in its rightful place of authority over the body, limitless potentials break out of hiding and release the ace, the
champion in all of us. You can indeed be this person, but effort is required and execution of that effort must be continually
source: click here
Addictions, Part 2
(This is Part 2 of a
5-part series on addiction).
In Part 1 of this series of articles, I defined substance
and process addictions, and described the four major false beliefs that underlie most addictions:
I can’t handle my pain.
2. I am unworthy and unlovable.
3. Others are my source of love.
4. I can have control
over how others feel about me and treat me.
This article addresses the first of these beliefs, and goes into the
process of learning to manage your pain. Learning to manage pain is essential if you are going to move out of addictive behavior,
since the intent of most addictive behavior is to avoid pain, coming from the belief that you cannot handle your pain.
children have few skills in managing pain. Parents are supposed to be there to help them with painful situations. Loving parents
help children with pain by lovingly holding them, acknowledging their pain, hearing their pain, and soothing them in various
ways, such “kissing it and making it better” when there is a cut or scrape, and being in compassion for difficult
situations. Compassion toward a hurting child helps the child move through the pain and move on.
However, many adults had parents who, not only did not help them with their pain,
but were the cause of the pain. When parents abandon children with physical, emotional, and sexual abuse or neglect, children
are on their own regarding handling their pain. They are not receiving help and they have no role
model for managing pain.
When this is the case, addictions become the way to
manage pain. Children learn early to eat, drink or take drugs to manage their pain. They learn
early to numb out or act out with destructive or self-destructive behavior to avoid their pain. They may even learn to block
out emotional pain by inflicting physical pain on themselves, such as cutting themselves.
In order to move beyond destructive
and self-destructive behavior, you need to be in a process of developing a loving inner parent - a loving adult self - capable
of giving your hurting inner child what he or she never received as you were growing up. The loving Adult is who we are when
we are connected with a powerful spiritual source of love, strength and wisdom.
Your inner child is your feeling self. When you are experiencing
the unbearable pain of rejection, loneliness, aloneness and abandonment and the unbearable terror of helplessness, it means
that you are that child, with no inner adult to help you handle these terrible feelings. As an alone and terrified child,
you will reach for whatever addiction has worked to sooth or block out the pain.
The reason the 12-Step programs have worked so well is because they
help people to open to a spiritual source of strength. Without this source of strength, there is
no way to manage the pain without the addictions.
We teach a Six-Step process, called Inner Bonding, which works
very well along with the 12-Steps to help people in recovery from addictions. (See www.innerbonding.com for a free course).
The key to recovery is to create a loving and powerful inner adult self, capable of connecting with a spiritual Source of
love and compassion. The loving adult learns to bring to your hurting child all the love and compassion you didn’t receive
as a child.
Love and compassion are not feelings
that are generated from within the body. These feelings are the essence of what God/Higher Power is. God is love, compassion,
peace, truth and joy. When you open to learning about what is loving to yourself, with a personal source of spiritual Guidance, you will begin to be able to bring through the love and compassion that you need.
Love and compassion is what you need
when you are hurting. Substance and process addictions do not fill the place within that needs love and compassion. Addictions
merely block out the pain of the inner abandonment you feel when you are not giving yourself the love and compassion you need.
The needed love and compassion is not going to come
from another person. No matter how much you wish that someone could give to you what you didn’t get as a child, it is
not going to happen. You need to learn how to give it to yourself. When you do, you will be well on your way to recovery from
Learning how to heal core shame and give yourself the love and compassion you need to recover from your addictions
is the focus of the remaining articles in this series.